you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
