If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
