I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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