I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
