in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
