Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We are all done wearing pants today
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
