my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
