The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
