he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
