1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
