If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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