The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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