Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
