well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
