i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
