Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
