I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
