So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
