yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
