Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
