belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
