dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
