I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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