Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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