I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Sober January is a disaster.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
