Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
