walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
