cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
