Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Those nachos came to me in a dream
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Pooping to opera.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
