handjob tips. give me some.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
