I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
