Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
