I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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