Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
