I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
