she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
