She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
