You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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