i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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