I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
