"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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