you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
