She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
