Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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