maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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