I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
