His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
