Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
