When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
