if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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