Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
