I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm just crazy horny about you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
