Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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