i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
