Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We don't watch enough power rangers
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
