i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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